I Owe You Atleast This Much……..
December 3, 2008 at 8:32 pm 29 comments
Yeas, you guessed it, a year end wrap up from the spankster herself. Whoot Whoot
Wait…Hold on…no one is here, was that a godamm tumbleweed? Did NO ONE wait for ME? What happened to snoopy come chome? The return of the king? The final countdown?
Well, alright then…lets cover some things first….
1. Facebook. You know what I say to this? Facebook Schmacebook…that what. lah-loosers
2. To those of little faith…I ban you to enternal anal itching. To those of you who stayed and possibly died waiting for me…well good job, ill be sending pez candy to you via mail.
3. I have much to report and not enough attention span to report it in….so ill do it in the form of , yes you know it, a top ten list. and without further ado…lets jam out with our clam out! and matt you can rock out wich your cock out kiddo.
1 a bat, yes, another fucking bat had the nerve to paper airplane dive on me. And in a fury of bedding and rackets I beat it to death. I figure it was how villages felt after stoning a suspected witch back in the ole days.
2 someone keeps pooping on the toilet seat, floor and sometimes wall at work. it is a mystery and my pall new jen and I are working the evidence. hard.
3 my new boss, the captian (aka catian grouchy pants, aka fun sucker, aka sharon) has got the gingi, yeah the gingivitis. she is going to loose her teeth and that wasnt shameful enough…she tells everyone about it. she is dead to me now. gingi.
4 Rita, aka 4 wheeler heart transplant accident, aka rita bobby, came to work with me and then spread rumers about my job loss then quit. nothing come of the rumers. I with her a firey fate though.
5 everyone i work with has a nickname, i will get tthat to you on a later date.
6 i hate my sons teacher. she is what i call a super ass. I will not go further into that.
7 my mother, if it is even possible is crazier than before, this is usually one part irritation and two parts entertainment and one part pity for me
8 i sprained my ankle giving wagon rides to the needy folks at the bar last week.
9 im thinking of having Asstric bypass so to bypass my ass.
10 have to get a pee pee exam. going to cancel the appt 10 more times before I actually show up…you have to got to have those people hanging by a thread ya know…
thats all for now, my kids are slam dancing downstairs to funky town and i dont wanna miss the beat..cha know?
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Spanky Strikes Back 
1.
Matt Lesoine | December 3, 2008 at 10:30 pm
As I’m sure I’ve said before, the best part about “Funkytown” is the band. Lipps, Inc. Not just lips, nor lipps, but Lipps, Incorporated. Sweet!
I’m not sure which of the top ten are the best but #2 and #4 sound hilarious…
Try not to be as much of a stranger. You stopping by with a new post was a much needed surprise. Good job.
2.
capricorn1966 | December 3, 2008 at 11:11 pm
You just ruined our challenge to get to 200 comments. Fuck, now we have to start over and at our rate by the time we reach 200 the recession will be over.
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
what a surprise and a pleasure and…and…
and Matt are you sure #10 is not your fav
3.
Matt Lesoine | December 4, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Yeah I’m sure. I’m not a fan of that particular area in such a “clinical” situation. If for nothing else, by the time a trip to the doctor is required; I want to be nowhere near that part of the anatomy. Once a clean bill of health is issued then I’m all over it; like white on rice, in a glass of milk, on a paper plate, in a snowstorm.
4.
SPANK | December 4, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Matt…we both know a snowstorm could cause shrinkage…never a good idea…
Yeah, I think im back in the swing of things…just as soon as I hack into the mainframe at work and get acess to wordpress then im in like flynn
by the way, the poop saga continues.
we think we spoted some poop in some lady’s crocs.
5.
capricorn1966 | December 5, 2008 at 12:26 pm
hack into? Um…isn’t that what got you in trouble the first time?
Good sleuthing, poop in some lady’s crocs, are you sure it wasn’t week old toe jam growing through the holes in the shoes? Ya know it could smell like poop, too, so don’t let the odor fool you.
6.
MamaPeg is Watching You | December 6, 2008 at 11:05 pm
I can’t wait for #5. I just got out the nachos and salsa! I’m waiting for #5, Spank – WAITING!
7.
capricorn1966 | December 8, 2008 at 3:56 pm
when does the hacking begin? I’m bored. It’s too cold to go anywhere. My cat is missing. My poor 6 lb little girl is probably frozen somewhere. I’m so upset.
8.
SPANK | December 8, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Poor kitty. She will be fine. My cat went missing for days and turned up fine.
Number five is on its way kiddo, gimme a day to compile the list.
It is colder than a witch’s tit.
which is pretty cold if ya ask me
9.
capricorn1966 | December 9, 2008 at 7:48 am
I found her. I was talking to my neighbor thinking maybe she slipped into his garage and then I heard her meow. She was in my other neighbors yard. But she seems to be walking funny, I don’t know if she’s hurt or just hoed it out all night.
10.
Matt Lesoine | December 9, 2008 at 11:27 am
She should be ashamed – not keeping that trashiness in her OWN yard. Whoring it out at the neighbor’s is so “high school” if you ask me…
11.
Sissy | December 9, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Hey! I just made a pee pee appointment this morning. And a dentist appointment. And the girls’ well visits. And…an appointment with a vampire named Edward.
It is so good to have the gang back. Sorry about those 200 comments. Let’s just get started on this post. Hurry before the nicknames come out.
Beth – I know you’re reading this, and the rules clearly state that if you read an active post, you must comment. The exception to the rule, of course, as we all know, is if Keyser reads a current post….
I feel bad for that bat, Spanky.
And you forgot to tell everyone about your new phone that replaced the one you got in 1996.
12.
capricorn1966 | December 9, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I don’t know, can cats whore it out if they have been fixed? Maybe I should call the pee pee doctor. Because it’s either that or she rode a horse for two days.
Sissy, it’s a good thing you’re getting both ends checked out at the same time this way there aren’t any misunderstandings….and I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I lost my train of thought and Danielle is still talking to me as I type. still talking…still talking…..ok forget it she’s getting mad cause she I’m not listening…what ever…forget it….
13.
SPANK | December 9, 2008 at 7:45 pm
I forgot about the new phone. I usually have buyers remorse but not this time. Me? Im just taking phone pics all day long. When I figure out how to post them, oh boy will you all be in for a treat.
I cancelled my pee ppe appointment as I stated earlier that I would. I had a plumbing issue and seriously, if i have to be spread eagle on an exam table firstly id like to do it with a vampire, but if i cant id really like to be squeaky on the clean. if ya know what I mean.
and for that matter…what kind of person are you if you endure years of medical school to look in hooches all day? A sicko, that’s what.
is heather still alive>
The top ten list is simmering in me finger tips. I just too lazy to go get it downstairs. this will have to wait untill this weekend.
Operation bad check writing is under way for the holidays. yes, the financial institutions loooove me.
14.
B A | December 10, 2008 at 11:24 am
Busted . . . thanks Sissy!
I have been reading but am reluctant to reply. I don’t know the others . . . oh well here it goes. My first reply to a blog.
Anyway, the pee pee appointment discussions make me think of the great story Jason tells of his Dr. Jelly Finger appt. His reaction alone was priceless. Something along the lines of “W-O-W!” and I thought I was going to spray the walls w/shit. Great, great story. I just wish I could have been there to see the doctor’s reaction . . .
15.
capricorn1966 | December 10, 2008 at 11:53 am
Beth, I love that you refer to us as “the others” it gives meaning to my life. Welcome and don’t be afraid, Sissy is the only one that bites.
16.
Sissy | December 10, 2008 at 12:04 pm
“the walls w/shit”
BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Dang you, Cap. She didn’t have to know that I was the one who offends everyone.
Here’s the DISH: Heather’s not here because I was super hella mean to her. Gary’s not here because Heather’s not here. And he hates me too. Michael and Julie were here once or twice, but then left because Heather was here, but now she’s gone, too.
….which leads me to want to initiate a secretive experimental comment operation.
So did Jason shit on the walls, or did he just want to shit on the walls? I was wrongly accused of shitting on a wall once.
Wrongly.
17.
Matt Lesoine | December 10, 2008 at 12:12 pm
Wow cappy; see now all of a sudden this place is up and jumping again. Of course it’s not quite as glorious as the ‘old days’ but still compared to the dustbowl we were sitting in – this is a mosh pit.
It’s good to actually be surprised and see replies instead of talking to ourselves over and over.
As for the medical school remark; yes in 7th grade it seems like a great idea to be a coochie doctor but as stated earlier, once a dr visit is required you want to be far away. Imagine dealing with discharges, smells, drips, sores, pus-ie pussy, and other abnormalities; let’s just say that it’s not gonna be your typical internet relaxation session…
18.
B A | December 10, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Thanks for the warm welcome Cap.
Sissy bites? Hmm . . .
I’m sorry to report that he didn’t shit on the walls. However, he did shart on our chair at home. If you ever visit, pick your chair wisely.
Whole other story . . . he’s a mess.
19.
capricorn1966 | December 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm
And, Matt, don’t forget who sat in and who didn’t and who should get all the credit for this most amazing return of the Jedi. It was us and I think we deserve at least a cookie, damn it.
And no pee pee story from me, I enjoy my doctors visit…ahem…
20.
Gary | December 10, 2008 at 1:13 pm
“I with her a firey fate though.”
I think that’s a very telling statement, read as typed. 😛
The internet barely survived the the lack of Spank’s moaning. I’d say it’s all good now for at least another half a year. Maybe more.
21.
Sissy | December 10, 2008 at 2:03 pm
See, Gary. Only you can point out the truth of the matterths that float around thethe partsth. You are the bethst.
Jason sharted? On your chair? Was he naked? Or did the shart shoot right through his dungarees?
Return of the Jedi made me snort laugh. Cap, you’re on today.
Not to worry on the moaning. The Jedi Master is texting me as we type that she got some sort of dick sucking performance review. She’s pissed. As any Jedi would be.
22.
capricorn1966 | December 10, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Sis, I’m always on it’s just sometimes the batteries aren’t working.
23.
MamaPeg is Watching You | December 10, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Sis, I’m always on it’s just sometimes the batteries aren’t working.
Get some Evereadys, sister!
I have to admit the Jedi remark caused a snort from this general direction.
And all rejoiced at Spank’s poop stories!
24.
Sissy | December 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm
I have never pooped on a wall.
Or a toilet seat.
Or in my pants.
25.
capricorn1966 | December 10, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I pooped my pants the eveready’s were fully charged.
26.
B A | December 10, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Jason sharted on the chair in our living room. He was in his boxers.
I have never pooped on a wall.
Or a toilet seat.
Or in my pants.
Is this the beginning of a Dr. Seuss rhyme? I have never pooped on a box with a fox . . . I better stop there.
27.
SPANK | December 10, 2008 at 7:59 pm
But have you ever sniffed a used preperation H applicator? anyone? anyone?
Have you ever made a family member look up close at what appears to be a cherry tomatoe hanging off your anus? Anyone?
Yes, these are all tough questions.
As for the performace review, the Captian gave it to me and I forgive her since she has the Gingi.
Now see here…I was thinking I am all great, which I am, with the exception of work. I am average at work. So in perspective, the extra 11 cents a year I now make seems pretty accurate.
I go by the rule of having alot of paper on my desk to make the appearance of extreme busy-ness and high production. Neither are true.
But I do show up everyday and always in a timely fashion. What happens between the hours is up to me and god. what a crock of shit,
and on that note…Gary…what do you have like 12 kids by now? you must…any recent pics?
And BA does that stand for Bad Ass or Buttery Anus, or maybe Bongo America, perhaps the elusive Business Analyst, a job I cannot ever get
Sophie thinks it stand for Be Awesome
I like Buttery Anus myself
Cappy, I am glad the jedi has turned this bowl of dust into a bowl of tacos, or whatever you might want a bowl of…perhaps weed.
The force is a powerful thing.
Carry on..
BTW I can almost smell Julie and mike…they are like a forest of elves. buttery elves
28.
SPANK | December 10, 2008 at 8:01 pm
pussie pussy made me snort laugh.
sounds like an awesome band
29.
B A | December 10, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I normally go by B A Focker but I’m thinking that all must change. I’m totally diggin’ Buttery Anus . . .