Got Money?

No one I know, or deal with in life is rich. We are all struggling in some way. Even with gas at its lowest in years the financial strain seems to be sucking the fun out of life.

Driving to work the other day, smoking my 3.50 pack of smokes and preparing to get my 3.08 bagel soda combo for breakfast ….they had this guy on the news blabbing some shit about if you give up starbucks forever you can actually make your retirement.

What he meant was…pick something you buy every day, something you dont need but that you buy out of wanting.

take that price multiply it times number of days per month and then times 12 months. this is the amount you could contribule to an investment. for me if i gave up the soda, the smokes and the bagel I could EASILY have 2000 extra dollars a year.

But you have to be carful that you dont replace your given up expendature with another one. If I replace soda with water thats good…if i replace it with something like juice then it isnt a true savings.

Ill give up the bagel and replace it with cheerios or fuit bars which is still an overall savings because the fruit bars are 2.50 a pack for 8 bars…so i sill make out good.

So here I am making another top 10 list to encourage my friends to enrich their lives…literaly.

Here are the top ten things you can remove from your life that will impact your financial situation

10) smoking…just stop doing it
9) drinking..if you have to drink buy your own and dont go out to do it. If you have to go out, limit it to once per month and put a dollar amoun on what you can spend and still make out in the green
8) cancel your long distance…we all have cell phones so use them….your paying for the fucking minutes anyway
7) stop buying packaged drinks, juice, soda, gatorade…if you eat well you dont need these things to live healthy…
6) keep your heat low…if you arent at home no sense in keep the house at 70 degrees
5) dont get take out…make your own healthy meal
4) buy meat and produce in bulk…some places offer really great deals, take advantage of them
3) always pack your lunch for work. that is something I am totally into…i refuse to pay for something that sucks when can have leftovers that i made that taste great.
2) stop using your debit card and use only the alloted cash you want for your weekly self made allowance. once you stop abusing that plastic your checking account will have a fuller belly
1) Drive less, and when you do drive keep it under 60mph…you will be shocked at the difference. If i dont do my errands on my way home from work, i do not do them at all…ill wait till i leave the house again the next day.

I hope this helps and I hope it inspires you all to take the spanky challange because I am…I want to see if i can make more out of my salary and enrich my life.

good luck and keep me posted

Sissy…Can’t Ya Come Out and Play??

I want to travel this summer I want to do these things……. its really important to me. When we were young, we were mover and shakers and for lack of a better word we were stupid…and stupid is good in your twenties…even better in your thirties…I want you to come out and be stupid with me one more time. I want to ask you one more time to pull a U-turn in four lanes of traffic. I have this overwhelming sense of urgency that im 32 iand i havent been anywhere. I want to be the girl with the old crusty photo album to show my grandkids and say look where i drug your mom and dad when they were little.

it may just be that I need to do these things alone. and that is scarey for me. I thought if we could dedicate two weekends to each other this summer we could go visit two places in the USA that we both have always wanted to go and it would be as special of a memory as the time we went to pittsburg to see rem…we had no money no real food but we had a fucking blast and that is what i am talking about. we are grown ups with kids….we should have done these things years ago and why we didnt ill never know, this is meant to inspire you, to make you think beyond writing resumes or teaching someone a half twist. We will not be young like this forever. I am quitting smoking this week and I have dedicated myself to put whatever money i squandered on smokes to and “adventure fund”

We need this, and moreover we deserve this. We can still get by on little or no food, we can handle sleeping anywhere like a car….

i am all fired up and i really think that if i dont do these things, especially with you, I will not dot it at all and ill regret it forever…

think about it. tell me where you want to go. and then we shall plan.

Good Pee Pee Gone Bad

Listen, I an the queen of procrastination. I can put off a pee pee exam for years. Six to be exact. Why did I have a change of heart? Oh my company, under the guise of health, bribed us to be healthy. And since I waited till the last minute, my options were few. And so I signed up for a flu shot and a pee pee exam.

Then I rescheduled it eight times. WhY, well I didnt wannna go. Then i got my period, then I just suspected that maybe my company would not realize that I didnt actually go to the appointment. Then, felt like that was bad Juju and rescheduled for the last time and just decided to go.

So on the eve of my appointment i get scared. What if im not shaved right? What if they stick their finger in my heinee and i fart? What if something is wrong with my pee pee? Well, i wasnt sure what to do.

So I got up the next day and get a toasty shower, and did some last minute shaving, and in my haste cut myself. So now i am trying to blow dry my poor bleeding pee pee. and now I am panick stricken. I am not even sure what I cut…wasnt actuall peepee but it was near it, like on the underwear line.

So I get my shit together, and go. And then i get in the room.
they tell me to strip but that i can leave my socks on.

then i put this size four gown on my size 16 body with the opening in the front as they specified, and i sit on the table and wait. and i wait. and now im nervous and im feeling ashamed that i look so ridiculous in this gown,and am i still bleeding, and now my crotch and ass are sweating. because i am filled with panic of the worst sort. the knowledge that someone is going to all up in my bizz in the matter of minutes.

then she shows up, and for the record i was a bitch to her, because i had to wait and then because i went to all the trouble of having a fresh crotch all for nothing.

So i relay this to sissy and she tells me that she bypasses allthese problems by sitting on the table like a horse all and i beleive that she suspends herslef off the table with her handsa to give optimum air flow.

So she rams the car jack in my vajayjay and i was like “ow’ and she says “youll feel some pressure” and i say, oh no,it hurts. And she laughs. And the humilitation continuies.

She examines my boobs asks fourteen times if i do self exams and i say well since i can tie my boobs in a knot i think ill notice a lump. she does not laugh and she keeps referring to me as “girl” like “ok girl lets get those breasts examined’ And I hate her for this. I figure for this kind of uncomfortable i should go see a man gyno and get molsted while im there too…

so that was that. ill go again in 6 years. and i will have similar tale to tell.